Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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