Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Pappa wants mamma naked
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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