Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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