i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
