...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
