yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
