turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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