he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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