you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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