Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
