Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
