There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
