I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
