I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
