I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I want her autograph on my taint
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
