would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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