Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
