i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize