U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
...so i touched it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
