this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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