Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
