Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
