areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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