So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
