FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
