do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize