I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
