She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
