i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
