He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
