No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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