She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
