From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
