Please, let me fuck your mom
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
