I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
