Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
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And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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