I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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