Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
