Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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