When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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