oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize