You smell like stripper and shame
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
