His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
