her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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