I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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