Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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