you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
