would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
