she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
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Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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