I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
