listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
