My sheets look like a crime scene.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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