i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
