Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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