I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
