I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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