if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
