gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
