do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
