We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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