3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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