ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
