You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
