My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Found your dick twin last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
