I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
