What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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