who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
