tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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