We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
