i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
