And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
