i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
