My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize