Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
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If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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