Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
