she told me i tasted like america
Someone shattered a urinal.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
