Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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