i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
