Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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