I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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