Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
